Chris At The Pictures: michael bay
Showing posts with label michael bay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label michael bay. Show all posts

Tuesday, 2 February 2016

'13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi' - Review

2/02/2016 12:18:00 pm
'13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi' - Review

★ ★



It seems customary for every review of 13 Hours to begin with some kind of comment on its infamous director, Michael Bay, either to poke fun at his staple signifiers or to question why on Earth he’s been tasked with bringing such a politically delicate story to the screen. Is anyone really shocked by now that the director of the Transformers movies didn’t have restraint listed amongst his priorities when there was military hardware and gung-ho chaos to indulge in?

Taken from the book by Mitchell Zuckoff, 13 Hours details the events of September 11th 2012 when a U.S. compound in Libya was set upon; it’s only defence a team of six security contractors, tasked with holding the line until support arrived to evacuate civilians and intelligence personnel.

Let’s clear the air immediately: the men depicted in this film committed an extraordinary act of bravery and should be remembered for doing so, which makes the portrayal of them problematic to say the least. Bar perhaps our two leads Jack (John Krasinski) and Tyrone (James Badge Dale), the entire line-up are reduced to one-note, totally interchangeable bearded burlies. It’s bad enough that the entire Libyan population fall under a blanket of facelessness, but to have the heroes of the story meld into one another is something else entirely.

Even our two leads are simply going through the motions: Dale is at least believable and has some small level of depth, but Krasinski is woefully miscast. Perhaps in a deliberate effort to sully his squeaky-clean persona from The Office, he’s given up shaving and taken up body-building, but he’s let down by his innate harmlessness. In one mid-shot he stands topless, moonlight reflecting off his chiselled torso but his puppy dog eyes giving the game away.

But let’s face facts; you don’t come to a Michael Bay movie for well-drawn characters in the same way you don’t go to a Donald Trump rally looking for the milk of human kindness. No, respectively you go there to have your face blown off by heavy-handed posturing and…oh, never mind, bad example. 

Bay’s particular brand of freneticism is surprisingly effective, at least to begin with: for situations where the peace is shattered, there’s shrapnel flying about and lots of people are shouting acronyms you can’t understand, he suddenly seems a natural fit. That is until we inexorably break away from immersive pandemonium and into the realm of bonkers, up-to-eleven excess. You’re no longer filled with the horror of war or the throat-clenching fear of loss, you’re waiting for the cars to stop mid-chase and metamorphose into giant robots. 

And just like that, everything we expected from the master of Bayhem comes into play: product placement (including a video game and console that didn’t exist at the time), copious lens flare with no discernible source, a refusal to stop the camera fidgeting, and day turning to night in a matter of moments. The one sane crewmember of the doomed ship Bay, composer Steve Jablonsky, has finally gone overboard, replaced by Lorne Balfe’s warped, buzzing soundscape that does little to evade the comparisons to Transformers.

To express annoyance at the political subtext almost seems to be a mistaken objective: did we ever really expect anything cerebral from this? This is a film that soils a semi-insightful image of farmers tending to their cattle even as war commences by having one of our moustachioed macho-men turn to another and say blankly ‘Surreal…it’s like another world…”

Watching 13 Hours is tantamount to playing Call of Duty game with a boisterous teenager who keeps skipping the cut-scenes: watchable to begin with and competent in its design, but very quickly tiresome, obnoxious and clueless.

Thursday, 16 October 2014

'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' - Review

10/16/2014 06:14:00 pm 0
'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' - Review
From the destroyer of classics (director Jonathan Liebesman) and destroyer of childhoods (producer Michael Bay) comes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a re-boot of the classic comic and cartoon series depicting four genetically mutated turtles who – under the names of the great renaissance artists – fight crime across New York City. Investigative reporter April O’Neill (Megan Fox) is hot on the heels of a rampant crime group when she encounters the eponymous heroes and is drawn into their efforts to save the city from the evil Shredder.

As with this week’s Annabelle, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is yet another film over which the producer’s fingerprints are smeared. Almost every single Bay-ism is present, with two noticeable absences which – at the risk of damning with faint praise – are sadly the only redeeming features of the film. The racism of previous years has vanished, and the running time is no longer the bloated 160 minutes of the recent Transformers outings, merely an hour-and-a-half romp.


Left behind is the horrendous product placement (the turtles’ cave in particular might as well be renamed the Toshiba store), un-necessary objectification (pausing in the heat of an action sequence to admire Megan Fox’s rear) and knuckle-chewingly unfunny comic relief. Liebesman by himself is hardly the best director under the sun but combined with Bay he’s managed to deliver something below even his usual standards.

Megan Fox is at least bearable for the opening twenty minutes before she gets almost entirely replaced by the turtles, but poor Will Arnett takes a nose-dive from his rib-tickling role as Batman in The Lego Movie to become one half of the ‘funny’ characters and does nothing but embarrass himself. Bay’s personal favourite William Fichtner is wasted yet again in another pointless crony role, and Whoopi Goldberg apparently hasn’t learned the lessons of previous anthropomorphic atrocity Theodore Rex. The turtles themselves just barely scrape through with personalities untarnished, save for Raphael and Leonardo who are almost indistinguishable in mannerisms and voice, while Michelangelo is given the other comic relief role (though I let that pass because that was one element not lost in translation from the original).

The plot is all over the place, with character motivations and ridiculous dialogue churned lazily out or flat-out stolen from other movies. You know a top-of-the-line modern blockbuster is scraping the barrel when the villain does what he does ‘for the money, of course!’ The action sequences are incomprehensible to the point that I almost developed a migraine trying to work out what was going on, and the whole movie is given a gritty, over-saturated aesthetic that removes any trace of the bright colours present in the originals. Alas, in the brief months since the veritable rainbow of colour that was The Amazing Spider-Man 2, studios have struggled to grasp that a comic-book movie works best with a comic-book palette.

Deprived of the bright colours and simple storytelling that made the original stories light, easily-accessible fun, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is ironically, an empty shell of a movie. With the hateful elements of Bay-produced fare surgically removed, it’s little more than lazy, bland action schlock that goes in one ear and out the other leaving only a mild headache in its wake.

1 star